The only home I ever seek to know is within. This is radical for most. It means letting go of attachment to everything in the physical world; no attachment to outcome or appearance. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means I am committed to the alignment of the reason I am here (my soul’s calling), and who I really am (Infinity), above all else, and whatever is created from this place, is perfect. There is more love within than one could find anywhere “out there.” And from this place, naturally, love pours out of you for All of Creation.
I’m not saying I’m unattached to the outcome 100% of the time, but because of my commitment to living from a place of integrity to what is right for me, it’s getting close!
When you follow the alignment of your calling, your unique purpose or energy “signature” in this incarnation (and how uniquely you are here to serve your other-selves), your life will look on the outside, very different from the masses. You will create a life you can’t imagine. You will break all kinds of “social rules.” It’s really fun. Many, including some closest to you, will think you’re looney tunes.
There is nothing wrong with living a life inside the “matrix” or “machine,” it serves its purpose very well, but it is a life that is not entirely your own, even if you don’t know it. Most, if not all, of your action and experience created from said action, is based on default stories, thoughts, and beliefs.
Committing to the integrity of your alignment, above all else, no matter the external “consequences,” is a life of extreme purpose, love, joy, peace, excitement, fun, and deep deep deep fulfillment. This means all of those default stories, thoughts and beliefs don’t get a say in anything. They are ignored and abandoned (and investigated and “worked through” if necessary). In their place is a simple thought, “I know nothing, and I am committed to being led by my soul.”
I want to share with you my experience, and 9 key creations, over the past year of following my calling and inner knowingness, above all else, in hopes it will serve you in your own life. In writing this, I realized how much shifted for me, internally and externally. I never could have imagined most of it. It’s been a wild and precious ride.
1. At the beginning of 2018, I satisfied a long-time dream of moving to the country (the North Shore of Oahu). After 4 months of paradise on steroids, walks along the pristine ocean complete with turtles hanging out on the beach, fisherman catching fish with nets 5 feet from the shore, one of the most beautiful coastlines on planet earth, the brilliant sleepiness of the country, the horses and the chickens, the mountains in view from the ocean, and countless other things that often bring one to tears, I knew my time there was finished.
For many years I couldn’t wait to get up north and “slow down.” I wanted to experience peace all around me in that way. I wanted to be nourished by nature and enveloped by the magic of this island in its truest form. I was. It was incredible. I followed my soul, and then, it was time to go. It was exactly what I needed for the time I needed it. It served me well in many ways, one being that I will never have to wonder what it’s like.
When we follow the energy and calling of our soul, it doesn’t mean forever, it means right now, and for however long it feels in alignment. That could be one day, one week, or one lifetime. This is part of being unattached to the outcome. In my ego mind (which is mostly very useless), I dreamed of settling on the north shore, doing retreats, working from home, and spending my life listening to the quiet of that beautiful place. And then, almost suddenly, everything shifted.
I have lived in Hawaii for over 10 years now, and my mind also thought I would never want to leave. I was sure Hawaii would be my home base. For the first several years I lived here, I had a recurring dream that I was somehow back on the mainland, and for one reason or another couldn’t get back to Hawaii. It was such an intensely horrible feeling in my dream, and I knew I could never leave. I would wake up from these dreams and wonder where I was, praying I was still here. Often, I was crying when I woke, thinking I had left. I felt grounded here, it was home in every way. I had never felt so at home before in my life. How beautiful it has been.
Then, last year in April, something shifted. Not only did I want to leave the North Shore and move back to Honolulu, I knew that I could leave Hawaii too. I sat on the beach and felt the memory of missing this place, but I knew I was now free to go. It’s as though roots from my feet to the land of Hawaii had been cut and I was free. With so much gratitude in my heart for Hawaii and my time here, I knew a place would never again be a source of my wellbeing. I have spent years remembering who I truly am, an Infinite Being that is the Universe, that is God, that is even before Creation. This inner work and knowingness have led me to the only home we ever truly have, the true Self. The Self as All That Is, Source; the Love and Light that is the substratum of all creation.
The embodiment and direct experience of this knowingness are all I, or you, ever need to live a life of freedom and fulfillment. Everything else you think you need will come effortlessly from this place of alignment and beingness.
2. In the past year, I have sold or given away most of my possessions. As I write this, I have only what is functional, with a few small boxes of sentimental things. I even got rid of my beloved books. I have about 10 left, which will also go soon. I no longer felt the need to hold onto things out of fear of not having them, or not having enough. I have found all I could ever need or want inside of living from my truth. I know if I really want to read one of those books again, I will create it. Creating this space has, well, created space, for whatever else is to come that serves my calling.
3. In the process of being more truthful with myself and every aspect of my life, I am more truthful with all beings I serve or interact with. This level of truth is showing up to be present with everyone, in a way that begs honesty in every moment. It’s saying the uncomfortable things when they need to be said, and honoring my own truth no matter what. It means checking in with myself every day and asking, “Where am I coming from? Is this in alignment with my calling?” If one activity, hobby, relationship, interaction, object, piece of clothing, is not in alignment, it’s gone or elevated to be in alignment. I very rarely say what people want to hear, or craft my conversation to get validation from another. This isn’t perfect yet, but I almost always give zero fucks about what others think.
4. At the end of 2017, I shut down my 10-year acupuncture practice. It had been a desire for a few years, with my excitement and knowingness to serve elsewhere. It wasn’t that I found no joy at all in practicing acupuncture, but it was no longer in alignment. I knew I was meant to be serving by coaching, teaching, and guiding people in a different way. I had “identified” for many years with being an Acupuncturist. It was easy and fun to say to people when asked what I did. It took some time for me to unravel myself from that label, and now I don’t even think to mention it. It also has taken some time for my family, friends, and even acupuncture patients to understand why I would quit practicing. “But you’re so good at it! You spent all that time and money on school! Why would you quit?”
I don’t label myself anymore as this or that professionally unless it serves a function at the time. When people ask me what I do, it could be different every time; “Spiritual Life Coach,” “Galactic Tour Guide,” “Business Alignment Coach,” or “I help people remember who they are and why they’re here.” I don’t think of myself as any of those things. Truly, I am here to serve in whatever way lights me up in the moment and is in the highest good for the being or beings in front of me. Even if that’s rockin’ out on a karaoke machine or driving someone to the airport. When you live from your calling, it’s not only when you’re “working,” it’s all the time, it’s who you are, it’s why you exist, and you can live it anywhere, anytime.
5. When you live from alignment, the things that are created are things you could never imagine (and our imaginations are pretty cool!). In the past several months, I have co-created a brand new kick-ass business with an amazing being. We coach businesses to be in total alignment with their mission and connected to their hearts. It’s called WTFU, or Wake the Fuck Up. That’s our companies mission, to help people and businesses wake up to their unlimited potential.
We’re creating our business from total alignment, individually and within the company. We feel completely lit up by serving businesses (including corporations) to align with their core mission and change the world. I never would have imagined myself working with large businesses or corporations, but letting go of all ideas about what I should be doing or have been previously lit up by has opened up so much space for the creations that want to come through and will inevitably serve the highest good. I don’t think about our “5-year goals” for the business. I know that when we follow the alignment and stay true, it will happen perfectly for the highest good. That doesn’t mean there’s no structure to remaining in alignment, there is, it just doesn’t look anything like “business as usual.”
Alignment with your calling is not about looking around the world and seeing what “needs” to be done, because everything needs to be done. It’s about staying true to your highest excitement and knowing deeply that this is why you are here right now, to “do” and be in this way, in this part of the illusion. Your excitement is your soul talking to you, which is not just your soul, but the soul of all humanity. We are one. Your excitement is humanities excitement, and they are waiting for you to follow it.
6. I’m having more fun coaching my one-on-one clients than I ever have before. I’m more engaged in serving them how it’s right for them (not what my ego thinks is right for them), and no longer attached to the outcome of working together. I care, but I’m not attached, this is a great space to be in service to another. What’s in their highest good, always? My clients are more ready to do the work for their own alignment than ever before because I am. I know the more I stay radically true, the more radically awesome my clients will be!
7. I decided to file bankruptcy this year. I remember being in my house on the North Shore, asking what this was perfect for (not being able to pay my credit card and loan bills that month, which had never happened before), and like a rush the “download” came that I could file bankruptcy. I had never thought of that. Immediately it felt exciting, light, and freeing. I didn’t pay attention to what the head was saying, all the collective stories and conditioning about why it’s a horrible thing to do. I simply trusted my inner knowingness, and the decision was very easy. The questions I asked that made it a “hell yes!” for me were these: “Does it light me up? Does it serve my calling? Does it allow me to serve more in the world?” The answer: HELL YES.
8. I followed my excitement with a relationship that offered both the highest highs and the lowest lows. Again, not big on labels, but this man is my twin flame, and oh boy was it “flamey” in so many ways. The lessons where massive, for us both, and I don’t regret a thing. After a rollercoaster ride of a year, I have never felt more peace around relationships in general, and know with my whole being that I could never possibly need anything from anyone. I am whole, I am God. There’s been nothing like this relationship to drive home that knowingness in me, deeply and in all ways.
I ask myself looking back, “Tarah, you knew the relationship wasn’t ultimately in alignment, right?” Yes, I say, but there were still things to learn, so in that way, it was absolutely in alignment to continue, until every drop of growth was had. True alignment only exists moment to moment, never in a year from now or even an hour. Being in alignment can look like anything! You’re the only one who can know what that is. It takes practice to master this, and that’s ok. It takes diligence and devotion. And, it’s the most fun you’ll ever have.
9. I have been a part of a “Civilization Upgraders” program this year, and it’s the best and most life-changing thing I’ve ever done. I am in the deepest gratitude for our teacher and guide, Bentinho Massaro, who has shown us (and the world) the most unconditional love I have ever experienced from another being. Together we have a shared mission here on Earth, to upgrade our civilization by 2035, and create a new world together. Through this training, and connecting with soul family from all over the world, I have never felt more in alignment, more free, more peaceful, more joy, more connected, and more available to serve whom I’m here to serve.
There have been so many wonderful creations this year, and there are a few more worth mentioning. I spent a week on Maui at a Bentinho retreat, met beautiful soul family, and my soul sister Sahaja. The minute she picked me up from the airport there was a deep, lifetimes-long connection. She’s been a powerhouse of support and love during a tumultuous (and exciting!) year. I let go of an office space I had for almost 6 years. I kept it after I stopped doing acupuncture for coaching and hypnosis clients. January of 2019 was my last month there and it offered me another opportunity to let go of possessions and a space that was very comfortable for the mind. But if I am to move on, all things not totally and completely aligned must go. My beautiful family sent me a ticket to go to Minnesota for Christmas. They spent all year being worried about me and what I was doing. The opportunity to be with them face to face and have meaningful and honest conversation was great for all of us. Lastly, I’ll share that my current living situation was something I never could have expected. My friends that I met a few years ago on Shapr (a networking app), asked if I’d like to live with them and their twin boys, right after deciding to move back to Honolulu (oh the Divine timing I created!). I’ve spent the last almost 8 months with my buddy, Sylvester the Yorkie, and 2 amazing baby boys. I gained an insta family! It’s been beautiful, and it will be my last home on this island before I leave.
I sure did create some amazing and challenging things for myself this year, and I know I did it all because I want, more than anything, absolute freedom. This doesn’t mean I feel free on a relative level depending on what the circumstances are in the illusion (lots of money, great relationship, etc.), it means I feel free all the time, no matter what is going on externally, because I know that I have always already been free.
In order to follow this path of absolute freedom, I needed to create the external circumstances for myself to look at, surrender to, and love unconditionally. I had to work through any and all thoughts and beliefs that kept me plugged into the matrix, believing that it is real, that there is lack of any kind. I am grateful for every moment. I will continue to be grateful for any and all creations that help me on this path of absolute freedom.
As I mentioned, some of my family has expressed concern time and time again this year. Everything from being irresponsible to being in a cult (hehe this cracks me up). They don’t understand why I’ve made the choices I have, and I get it. From inside of the illusion it might look very much like I’ve lost my marbles. And well, if living a life of absolute freedom, intense joy, peace, and unconditional love, is losing my marbles, I am happy to let them go. Take all my marbles! When people say, “She’s lost her mind,” I think, “Thank God!”
That’s a key ingredient to following your alignment, you must ignore all thoughts (except the ones that keep you from walking out in front of a bus!). Your thoughts will lead you around in circles, doing the same things, doubting yourself, steeping you in fear. That’s their job. It’s your job to recognize this and follow what feels right in your heart/soul/gut/intuition. When it feels good, it’s closer to the truth of who you are, an Infinite Fucking Being.
When you feel contracted and small, then it’s not true! You’re most likely living from the mind/thoughts when you feel like this, and from a very tiny “person” perspective. Zoom out, as far as you can go. Remember you are God, and perceive from this place. Feel the ever-present, never changing, formless YOU that is always love, always free.
As you open and stay open to your highest excitement, you will have many “WTF” moments, things you never would have thought or imagined for yourself. My latest “WTF” moment in following my highest excitement (there have been many!) is that I will be leaving Hawaii in the next few months and heading to a city my mind tells the story of not particularly liking. Last time I was in this city, about 5 years ago, I had a mini panic attack, ha! And now, my soul leads me to Los Angeles, California with a headlamp the size of the state; meaning all excitements point there. My mind says, WTF!? My heart says, GO GO GO! So I go, at least as my first stop. I feel excited about traveling a bit as well, and going where the energy takes me. Right now it’s LA, to work as WTFU and help businesses there to remember their heart. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds!
So, I ask you dear one, can you stay true, when perhaps no one else in the world supports what you’re doing, when it seems totally crazy, even if you know it’s your highest alignment? Do you have that much faith? If not, I highly recommend it, it’s close to the most liberating state you can imagine.
When you remember who you are in this illusion, Source expressing itself, it’s not even a question of faith anymore, because you believe more in your true Self that anything else that could be offered in all of creation. You stay true, regardless of appearances. Nothing can harm you, you are eternal, everlasting, even when the body takes its last breath.
You are here to serve your other-selves. The most fulfilling and effective way to do this is to listen to the built-in guidance system of following your calling and highest excitement. That alone will lead you to the most magnificent ways in which you are meant to serve and live.
There is nothing to fear, you are held, you are The Creator. You only need to remember this. As you follow the journey of living from your calling, from knowing you are Infinite, you will see it, time and time again. And then one day, you will know it, and you will be free.
*A special thank you to Bentinho Massaro, Anurag Gupta, my Tier 1 family, and so many others in my life. I am grateful for creating you all so beautifully. I love you.